me, myself and I  

My name is Sara.
19.
Trying to figure life out and the direction I'm going with it. I do not own any of these pictures uness otherwise posted. Enjoy!
uglygirlsclub:

i keep going back to look at this

uglygirlsclub:

i keep going back to look at this

(via ohhnicolette)

6 days ago
148,229 notes
fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

(via bombshell-belle)

1 week ago
151,255 notes

arefinedrascal:

ifonlywewereamoungstfriends:

deathcabforkehan:

shipwreckedatseaa:

jakehellrose:

gnarville:

Proof that Bill Murray really is the most interesting man in the world.

That’s why I love this guy.

bill fuckin murray

my hero

always reblog bill murray

(via she-who-walks-unseen)

1 week ago
469,021 notes

beautifulpicturesofhealthyfood:

Cucumber vegetable maki rolls, vegetarian…RECIPE

(via stoner-areola)

1 month ago
9,813 notes
lexicon19:

quietrevolutionary:

Because everyone needs this on their blog

Thanks

lexicon19:

quietrevolutionary:

Because everyone needs this on their blog

Thanks

(via waiting-for-the-right)

1 month ago
325,268 notes
thranduilsenpai:

sexience:

i don’t think u fully understand how important this gif is

His nine lives flashed before his eyes.

thranduilsenpai:

sexience:

i don’t think u fully understand how important this gif is

His nine lives flashed before his eyes.

(Source: cineraria, via amandasamermaid)

1 month ago
453,678 notes
flat-adverb:

lucillebruise:

stunningpicture:

Portrait I drew of the lovely Maggie Smith.

I am getting this framed and hung over my fireplace goddamn.

Same.

flat-adverb:

lucillebruise:

stunningpicture:

Portrait I drew of the lovely Maggie Smith.

I am getting this framed and hung over my fireplace goddamn.

Same.

(via ohhnicolette)

6 days ago
58,920 notes

geekerypokery:

jeremymcbitchin:

Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.

i want a novel focused around a character with braces during the apocalypse and the entire plot of the story revolves around their search for an orthodontist who is still alive and they sort of accidentally save the world in the process

(via queengeek-kittyfeet)

1 week ago
231,177 notes

queencrash:

ritornerai:

What if Gordon Ramsay voiced a GPS

"Great job, you missed the exit you fucking disgrace."

(Source: shingekinowinchester, via guy)

1 week ago
489,385 notes

officialfrenchtoast:

quads-for-the-gods:

bottlesofnerdfightingelephants:

damnoosa:

nessthebeautifulmess:

Powerful & creative imagery

the food and education made me sad.

I have always been fascinated by these ‘world of 100 people’ things, I remember spending hours thinking through the ones on a poster at church when I was 9 or so. It really, really makes some really important stuff so blindingly clear, in numbers we can understand. And it should, I hope it does, inspire us to act. 

Amazing post.

(Source: iraffiruse, via bitchbettahhavemyhoney)

1 week ago
162,093 notes
yobiebzz:

If you don’t have this on your blog, there’s something seriously wrong with you and you need professional help.

yobiebzz:

If you don’t have this on your blog, there’s something seriously wrong with you and you need professional help.

(Source: literalsame, via mysterioustasia)

1 month ago
105,001 notes